Even heroes have the right to bleed

And here we are again, back to square one. Right back where we started. Stuck in some sick and twisted time loop. Just when I thought I had all my ducks in a row.... I don't even have ducks. There's geese, and swans, and fucking crocodiles pretending to be ducks! What is this shit? Who's cruel joke is this?! Come on, own up! You know I believe life never gives us anything we can't handle, but this is just bullshit! It's a bloody good thing I've been doing weight training for so long....

So what has put me in this delightful mood you may ask... or you may be too afraid to ask! Well, let me tell you! That new home loan I got approved 6 MONTHS AGO didn't get finalised... because the property transfer hadn't happened! (Y'all remember that rant a few months back right? Refer to "So much for my happy ending" to refresh your memory). I knew the time was running out, my bank manager gave me a heads up a month in advance... I forwarded that to my lawyers... they contacted his lawyers... and that's where it all came undone... apparently they are no more competent than the last lawyer he had... even less so, if that's even possible! I ended up emailing him directly to see if he'd even been sent the bloody paperwork (it was sent 5 weeks prior) of course you already know the answer is a big fat NO! But to his credit he did follow them up and get it, sign it and return it in 2 days.... but you know, he'd been 'trying to keep things moving' Sorry buster, 6 fucking months of dicking around is NOT keeping things moving! I'm not your mum, I'm not even your bloody wife anymore. Not my job to kick you in the butt to get shit done!

Anyways, Monday evening I received an email from my lawyer saying they had the documents, make a time to come sign. I thought yee-fuckinkg-ha this is done!! Well of course bloody not! As if anything in this shitty story could be that easy!! Lunch time Tuesday I get an email from the bank to say that the new, new loan I applied for the previous week was not approved because I didn't meet the income requirements.... say what now?! 6 months ago I was fine, but now you're telling me that it's not enough?! Even with that itty bitty pay rise I got.... Are you fucking serious?! So now I'm having a house transferred to my sole name and no means of paying for it?! Yeah great, no worries.

If I drop my loan amount by 10grand, I "may" be approved.... that's not certain. Luckily for me I was borrowing that bit extra because I do currently have credit in the loan account - hello bulk tax returns! So instead of paying the full amount into the account each month, I stash a huge amount in there and just let the payments come out of it and throw in a bit for the interest. Solid plan, has been working for 3 years. And thankfully it is tax time very soon, so I'll get something back.... but I may end up using it to buy that caravan the kids keep begging me to get! Then we can be gypsies.
I told the bank to do the application for the lower amount but I'm yet to hear the outcome of that.

On top of all that, Mr 5 has been a downright little shit at school!! I've signed 3 'sad grams' this week!! I'd never even heard of a fucking sad gram before he started school! Now we could start an Encyclopedia Britannica collection with his alone!! He just will not do anything that he doesn't want to. He was told to eat his sandwich before his muesli bar and that set him off. Like seriously kid, I tell you every damn morning you have to eat the fresh stuff first other wise it's no good and I have to throw it out when you bring it home.
In his words 'learning is boring!" He can spell his name and count to 10 so he's done learning!

In saying all this, I do have to acknowledge that there are some absolutely amazing, beautiful people in my life and there is absolutely no fucking way I would have made it this far without their love! And I know I have 2 absolutely beautiful, smart, funny, loving little monsters who think I am the best mummy ever. I am so so grateful that they think that, and say that, given how much yelling and ranting I do.... But holy crap on a cracker, I deserve a fucking trophy! "able to tolerate the most shitty situations and still crack jokes" or "biggest whinger with the biggest heart" or maybe "best at pretending they have their ducks in a row"

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

It's been a few weeks since I graced your screens with my ramblings, and I'm truly sorry to anyone who has suffered withdrawals from that.... I've been a bit preoccupied with the monsters in my head and feeling like I'm going around in circles... like my boat is circling dangerously close to  the plug hole and I'm trying to stay afloat... and I only have one paddle.... and my boat has a hole and is taking on water... oh and it's raining...

But anyway, here I am, trying to bring a little ray of sunshine into that ominous cloud. Or out from behind it? whatever.

I know I've had a lot of negative kind of posts, and it's really because there's so much heavy stuff on my mind. So today I want to share a nice little story about my day at work! For those that aren't aware, I work in retail customer service which can be pretty unrewarding at times. You've all heard the horror customer stories and seen the retail memes that go around!! But I'm pretty sure I'd get in a whole lot of trouble if I shared my thoughts on some of those experiences.....

So today, this elderly couple were looking for a digital clock with a large display.  I'd guess they were in their late 70s-early 80s, I'm not so good at guessing ages but they seemed more of my grandparents generation. The only large display clock I had was pretty fancy - wireless phone charging, bluetooth, usb, clock, radio. And it cost $99.... I showed it to them and mentioned the price and the fact that there were a lot of features that they probably wouldn't use (they agreed!) But the gentleman said if it was all I had then he'd pay the price because his wife needed the large display. And he had that grin that said he'd do anything for her. He asked if they could see it switched on, so I found the box (it was my display and the only one left) and we set it up. Then he asked me to show him how to set the time and the alarm.... well that was a bit of a mission! I even had to read the instructions... but we got it set up and tested the alarm, tuned the radio and tried the volume. Then he asked if I'd mind switching it off and back on so he could have a go at setting it up. So I let him do that, and he tried a few times, wanting to be sure he understood how to do it all. By this time we'd been at it a good 15 mins and I had other customers in my area. I asked if he'd mind if I checked to see if anyone else needed a hand and he was most apologetic about taking up my time and insisted I go while he practiced setting up the clock. Once I came back he was confident he knew what he was doing and he'd take the clock. He and his wife were most grateful for my help and they left with big smiles on their faces.

Sometimes having customers like that can be incredibly frustrating and I just don't have the patience for it! But that half hour I spent with them today made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I don't really know why, I was really just doing my job - serving customers. They were just such a lovely couple and I could tell how much they appreciated my time and efforts. It was so sweet to see this man making sure he knew exactly what to do so he could set it up for his wife. Nothing overly complicated or meaningful to us youngins.... but to him it was so important to get it right!

I've been in my job long enough to know that these customers are few and far between, and I could almost guarantee that tomorrow I'll have a meltdown worthy experience... but I'll still put on my smile and charm for every person I serve, and do my job to that standard I set myself! Because at the end of the day, it is just a job. No one goes out expecting a life changing experience from their sales assistant! I don't set out to to offer life changing experiences.... but if I can simply do something that makes someone smile and leaves me knowing that I've done everything I can for them, then I'm happy.

So you see, I'm not always a negative Nelly. I can see the good in life. It's just so much easier for everyone to find the faults and dwell on them, and exaggerate them! I've had a lot of bad stuff happen, but I can still find a reason to smile. I choose to be happy. I choose to look for the good in the world. There are amazing things going on around every single one of us, every single day! So next time you're feeling like the world is against you, take a second to look around you and find a way to smile :)

What made you smile today? xx