I've been doing this single mum gig for almost 3 years now, and it sure has not been a walk in the park! Even Jurassic Park would be easier.... Over the last 2 months (yep, it has actually only been that long) I've had to readjust to doing things for myself since my sister-wife went back home. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it. I've even managed to clean my house twice this month!! Well I say house, I mean the lounge and dining area. Pretty much everything else can have the door closed and bam the mess is gone! (not endorsed or approved by bam, please don't sue me)
This brings me to life hack number 1.
Don't be pedantic about keeping your house clean! Kids live here, it's meant to be messy. Accept that the little monsters will trash the joint in a tenth of the time it takes you to make it picture perfect.
Alternatively, you could probably not let the mess pile up for weeks on end.... if you do a quick pick up and sweep every night after they go to bed, you'll get a chance to admire your handiwork. Make sure to instagram that!
Life hack number 2.
Reuse your dishes during the day! Don't get a new cup every time you make coffee, rinse it out in the morning and it's good to go again for the afternoon. Same goes for plates. I use Norwex (I also sell it if you're interested in more info...) so I know a quick wipe over with my kitchen cloth is all I need. You could also ditch the use of crockery and cutlery, especially if your kids are like mine and just use their hands anyway.
Life hack number 3.
Wash the dishes while you bath the kids. Obviously not in the same water... Mine are 5 & 7 and cannot be quiet in the bath, so I know they're alive. Usually the whole neighbourhood knows when they're in the bath.... We generally have dinner, bath, bed so I like to make the most of my evening by not spending it at the sink! I could probably save even more time by just feeding the kids in the tub then hosing them off....
Life hack number 4.
Do the washing at night. Every night. Or at least every second. Don't let it pile up!! This is usually done after getting the kids in the bath and before washing the dishes. I have a highset house with a washing line underneath so there's no tripping over airing racks or going outside in the dark.
My super efficient laundry hack is hanging each person's clothes together on the line. Then when I take it down I fold as I go and distribute the piles to their owners.
Life hack number 5.
Make lunches at night. This is one I haven't been doing lately, but I need to start again. Not that my kids can decide on what they want for lunch that far in advance anyway. I do my meal prep on weekends and have a freezer full of containers I can choose from. Makes lunch and dinner so much easier!
Life hack number 6.
Online grocery shopping!! This one is my biggest life saver. I've never liked doing the groceries. I always get way too much that isn't necessary (the 2 for $5 offers always get me! I don't need any Tim Tams, but I'll take 2 for $5) Dragging 2 uncooperative kids around the supermarket is painful and I lose my shit at least once very trip. So now I do my order online Thursday night and pick it up on the way home Friday night. Then I have the whole weekend free! I still end up at the supermarket once or twice a week for extra milk or fruit, but I can usually manage to duck in after work before picking up the kids. I don't really know if it's saving me any money, but it's definitely saving my sanity.
These are just some of the things that have been helping me survive life at the moment. They may not work for everyone else, you might have better systems in place to make things work for you. But if you think my ideas could help you out, give it a crack! Feel free to share any of your own life hacks too :)
Saturday, March 30, 2019
Monday, March 25, 2019
I guess this is growing up
On the weekend I celebrated another trip around the sun. Another year closer to retirement. Another year of being me. I can’t say I feel any older, or wiser... but if I sit and think about it for a bit, there are actually a few things I’ve learned that are worth sharing.
You know that quote “it’s not about counting the years, but making the years count”? Yeah well that’s true. You might not think it at the time, but when you look back on your camera roll and see the things you did and the people you shared your time with, you’ll understand. I take so many photos of my kids (they’re funny and cute and I love sharing their craziness with everyone!) and every time I look back at them I’m filled with love and happiness. They may have been doing something naughty (but obviously I needed evidence) but it still sparks a memory that makes me smile. They love looking at their photos and videos too, especially the Facebook memories from when they were babies. We may not go on fancy holidays (although they keep bugging me to go on a cruise!) or eat out at expensive restaurants. We don’t wear designer clothes, hell I can barely get them to wear ANY clothes! But we have fun. We are a family that love each other and I bust my ass to give them a good life. So when they tell me I’m the best mumma ever, I know they truly believe that.
Another thing I’ve been working on accepting is making my own happiness. I am more than capable of taking on the challenges of life, and I’m worthy of my own happiness! I love to laugh and smile and share that with others, so it’s only fair I do that for myself too. I don’t need a new car to make me happy. I don’t need a rich boyfriend, or a hot boyfriend, or actually, any boyfriend to complete my life. I’m smart and strong and independent!! I don’t think many guys would actually be worthy of this hot mess anyway ;) I’m busy finding things that make me happy and give me enjoyment. Things that help me be ok with being me. In the words of Vanessa Amorossi - “I spent years really hating me, longing to be friends, now I hope that you can understand, this is who I am”
Following on from that, don’t settle! Don’t say you’re ok with something if you’re not. Don’t let someone treat you crappy if you don’t like it. Cos if you keep letting them do it, they’ll keep doing it! Know your worth. You deserve to be treated like the majestic fucking unicorn you are! Whether it’s partners, family, friends or workplaces, don’t be taken for granted. I’m not saying you should be an asshole back to everyone, but stand up for you. Make the choice to make a change. Don’t be afraid to cut people off. If they aren’t adding value to your life, they’re probably adding drama. You don’t need that.
It’s ok to take time out for yourself. You’re not a bottomless jar of Nutella, you can’t make everyone happy all the time! You need to take a day here and there to regroup. To get your head back in the game. Recharge your batteries, fill your cup and dance around in your underwear (trust me, your favourite playlist and comfy undies do wonders for your soul). Don’t feel guilty for not having it all together, all the time. You’re a person, not a robot.
Ask for help! It’s ok. Anyone who truly cares about you won’t let you fall.
Know who’s got your back. Don’t believe the ones who say it, believe the ones who show it!
And most importantly, love!! Sprinkle that glitter everywhere you go! It doesn’t matter if your heart’s been broken, love again. It doesn’t matter if people don’t love you back, or in the same way, love them anyway. Don’t let the harshness in this world turn your heart to stone. Smile at a stranger, pat a dog, drop some coins in a charity box, help a mum with a screaming child. Whatever it is you do, it may just change someone’s whole day.
You know that quote “it’s not about counting the years, but making the years count”? Yeah well that’s true. You might not think it at the time, but when you look back on your camera roll and see the things you did and the people you shared your time with, you’ll understand. I take so many photos of my kids (they’re funny and cute and I love sharing their craziness with everyone!) and every time I look back at them I’m filled with love and happiness. They may have been doing something naughty (but obviously I needed evidence) but it still sparks a memory that makes me smile. They love looking at their photos and videos too, especially the Facebook memories from when they were babies. We may not go on fancy holidays (although they keep bugging me to go on a cruise!) or eat out at expensive restaurants. We don’t wear designer clothes, hell I can barely get them to wear ANY clothes! But we have fun. We are a family that love each other and I bust my ass to give them a good life. So when they tell me I’m the best mumma ever, I know they truly believe that.
Another thing I’ve been working on accepting is making my own happiness. I am more than capable of taking on the challenges of life, and I’m worthy of my own happiness! I love to laugh and smile and share that with others, so it’s only fair I do that for myself too. I don’t need a new car to make me happy. I don’t need a rich boyfriend, or a hot boyfriend, or actually, any boyfriend to complete my life. I’m smart and strong and independent!! I don’t think many guys would actually be worthy of this hot mess anyway ;) I’m busy finding things that make me happy and give me enjoyment. Things that help me be ok with being me. In the words of Vanessa Amorossi - “I spent years really hating me, longing to be friends, now I hope that you can understand, this is who I am”
Following on from that, don’t settle! Don’t say you’re ok with something if you’re not. Don’t let someone treat you crappy if you don’t like it. Cos if you keep letting them do it, they’ll keep doing it! Know your worth. You deserve to be treated like the majestic fucking unicorn you are! Whether it’s partners, family, friends or workplaces, don’t be taken for granted. I’m not saying you should be an asshole back to everyone, but stand up for you. Make the choice to make a change. Don’t be afraid to cut people off. If they aren’t adding value to your life, they’re probably adding drama. You don’t need that.
It’s ok to take time out for yourself. You’re not a bottomless jar of Nutella, you can’t make everyone happy all the time! You need to take a day here and there to regroup. To get your head back in the game. Recharge your batteries, fill your cup and dance around in your underwear (trust me, your favourite playlist and comfy undies do wonders for your soul). Don’t feel guilty for not having it all together, all the time. You’re a person, not a robot.
Ask for help! It’s ok. Anyone who truly cares about you won’t let you fall.
Know who’s got your back. Don’t believe the ones who say it, believe the ones who show it!
And most importantly, love!! Sprinkle that glitter everywhere you go! It doesn’t matter if your heart’s been broken, love again. It doesn’t matter if people don’t love you back, or in the same way, love them anyway. Don’t let the harshness in this world turn your heart to stone. Smile at a stranger, pat a dog, drop some coins in a charity box, help a mum with a screaming child. Whatever it is you do, it may just change someone’s whole day.
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
People are jerks
Vaccines. Oh and autism.
Yep, that old gem! It's a topic everyone likes to weigh in on, and the wrong people think they're knowledgeable about! I don't read a lot of news, or news-type things that get shared around on facebook, but apparently some footballer's wife is charging people $200 each to hear her tell them why vaccines are bad? I don't even really know what I read, I couldn't get my head around the stupidity. Why anyone would pay that amount of money to hear an opinion is beyond me. She's not a doctor, she's not a pharmacist, she's not a scientist, she's just someone with enough 'celebrity pull' to get picked up by the media for their crazy ideas!
Oh BTW, this is all just my OPINION. I haven't researched it in depth, but I'm happy to tell you more about it for $200 a head!
Anyway, the thing about this whole vaccines are bad thing, is that people get so up in arms about it 'causing autism'.... which was disproved by science (go google it!)... how much of an asshole are you if you'd rather your kid DIE from a preventable disease, than possibly have some form of Autistic Spectrum Disorder?! Think about it. Really think about it.... You decide you want a child. You might take months or even years to make that happen. But then you decide you only want them if they have no "abnormalities"?? You'd rather risk that child you waited so long for, DYING than have a "disorder"
Of course no one says "I hope my baby has a disorder or abnormality that will make their life difficult because people are assholes" We all hope for the 'perfect baby'. But it's our job as parents to do everything we can to keep our kids safe and healthy. And if they happen to have a diagnosis or 'label' of some sort, then we do whatever it takes to understand them and accommodate them and their needs in our lives.
I'm going through this now with Mr 5. Last year his kindy was concerned he was showing Autistic behaviours and pushing me to have him assessed. At first I was pretty defiant! I didn't want anyone saying there was something 'wrong' with my child... Hasn't my family been through enough? Do I really need another thing to worry about? Maybe he's just not coping with life! I couldn't say I'd noticed a lot of the things they were saying... so then I started to question myself. Am I really that preoccupied that I don't even know my own child is 'different'...
I know it's not that something is wrong with him, it's just that he operates differently. He is how he is, and I'm used to that. He's still my beautiful baby boy and I love him quirks and all. The one thing I definitely wasn't thinking is "gee I never should have had him vaccinated!"
This year starting school has been hard for him, and we're on a waiting list for an OT. He was observed by a few professional services last year and, they think that yes there are some different needs there. But more likely some sensory type needs. I'd love to find some strategies that work with him. He's very stubborn (no idea where he get that I swear) and he likes to take his time doing things. It has to be on his terms or there's a meltdown. What I don't want is a label!! If it helps him to focus and learn then that's great, but if it's just an adjective to put after his name, then no thanks! I want to be able to explain his behaviours not excuse them.
Again this is just my opinion, but there seems to be a lot of kids with 'labels' who are not helped to live with their needs. It's just a case for the too hard basket. 'Oh well little Timmy has ADHD so we can't do anything about it' Obviously not everyone is like that.
I'm not a flawless parent. I get it wrong. Often! But I love my babies more than anything in this world and I'd do anything to keep them safe, happy and healthy. And judging from Miss 7's teacher interview yesterday, I have to say I'm dong a pretty fucking amazing job!
Yep, that old gem! It's a topic everyone likes to weigh in on, and the wrong people think they're knowledgeable about! I don't read a lot of news, or news-type things that get shared around on facebook, but apparently some footballer's wife is charging people $200 each to hear her tell them why vaccines are bad? I don't even really know what I read, I couldn't get my head around the stupidity. Why anyone would pay that amount of money to hear an opinion is beyond me. She's not a doctor, she's not a pharmacist, she's not a scientist, she's just someone with enough 'celebrity pull' to get picked up by the media for their crazy ideas!
Oh BTW, this is all just my OPINION. I haven't researched it in depth, but I'm happy to tell you more about it for $200 a head!
Anyway, the thing about this whole vaccines are bad thing, is that people get so up in arms about it 'causing autism'.... which was disproved by science (go google it!)... how much of an asshole are you if you'd rather your kid DIE from a preventable disease, than possibly have some form of Autistic Spectrum Disorder?! Think about it. Really think about it.... You decide you want a child. You might take months or even years to make that happen. But then you decide you only want them if they have no "abnormalities"?? You'd rather risk that child you waited so long for, DYING than have a "disorder"
Of course no one says "I hope my baby has a disorder or abnormality that will make their life difficult because people are assholes" We all hope for the 'perfect baby'. But it's our job as parents to do everything we can to keep our kids safe and healthy. And if they happen to have a diagnosis or 'label' of some sort, then we do whatever it takes to understand them and accommodate them and their needs in our lives.
I'm going through this now with Mr 5. Last year his kindy was concerned he was showing Autistic behaviours and pushing me to have him assessed. At first I was pretty defiant! I didn't want anyone saying there was something 'wrong' with my child... Hasn't my family been through enough? Do I really need another thing to worry about? Maybe he's just not coping with life! I couldn't say I'd noticed a lot of the things they were saying... so then I started to question myself. Am I really that preoccupied that I don't even know my own child is 'different'...
I know it's not that something is wrong with him, it's just that he operates differently. He is how he is, and I'm used to that. He's still my beautiful baby boy and I love him quirks and all. The one thing I definitely wasn't thinking is "gee I never should have had him vaccinated!"
This year starting school has been hard for him, and we're on a waiting list for an OT. He was observed by a few professional services last year and, they think that yes there are some different needs there. But more likely some sensory type needs. I'd love to find some strategies that work with him. He's very stubborn (no idea where he get that I swear) and he likes to take his time doing things. It has to be on his terms or there's a meltdown. What I don't want is a label!! If it helps him to focus and learn then that's great, but if it's just an adjective to put after his name, then no thanks! I want to be able to explain his behaviours not excuse them.
Again this is just my opinion, but there seems to be a lot of kids with 'labels' who are not helped to live with their needs. It's just a case for the too hard basket. 'Oh well little Timmy has ADHD so we can't do anything about it' Obviously not everyone is like that.
I'm not a flawless parent. I get it wrong. Often! But I love my babies more than anything in this world and I'd do anything to keep them safe, happy and healthy. And judging from Miss 7's teacher interview yesterday, I have to say I'm dong a pretty fucking amazing job!
Friday, March 15, 2019
Sunshine after the rain
Today I felt like I had my shit together! Yay me!
We were organised and ready for school on time with relatively little screaming. I even mucked around with the kids while they were getting dressed. No one was crying when I left school. Mr 5 even carried his own lunch bag into the classroom!
I had an appointment at 3:30 then gym at 4:30 so I had to have snacks ready to take with us. Quickly came home from work to get changed before getting the kids from school. We made it to the chiropractor with time to spare, they played nicely in the waiting area and picked up the toys without much persuasion when it was time to go. We got to the gym early so I actually had time to do my "weekly" measurements! Smashed my workout then got the kids their happy meals, as promised (I cooked my own chicken and chips). Let them watch TV while I had a shower and ate my dinner, then suddenly it was 8pm and they hadn't had baths... but we made that a bit of a game and got ready for bed without arguing. Even though it was almost 9pm by the time I left big girl's room, I wasn't stressing and cranky. Probably cos it's Friday... They won't sleep in tomorrow though!
I have plans to get this dump of a house cleaned up over the weekend. And I will actually do it! It looks like a major bender happened here... for a month... there's probably a random stoner sleeping on my couch and I don't even know! (It's ok, I'm joking, I'd know!)
Even though I know the ratbags will mess it all up in no time, it needs to be done. We need to start some new habits and declutter our lives. I don't want them to grow up without responsibility or respect for their things. They have too much "stuff" and they just don't appreciate it, because they don't have to earn it. They aren't given everything they ask for, but they do have a lot more than I ever had as a kid. Maybe that's because of the cheap throw away world we live in, and maybe it's because I don't want them to feel "poor" like I did. And maybe I'm just trying to make up for the shit they've been through.
Miss 7 did learn a valuable lesson the other day. Her tablet had been left in a back pack on the floor... of course I'd told her several times to pick it up or it would get broken... well, guess what was broken.... the tablet of course! Screen is shot. Looks like it was dropped or stood on.... she was beside herself "I love the tablet and now I can't play my games" "I'm sorry I've wasted your money mummy" It was a cheap and nasty tablet so it's not the end of the world. Surprisingly I didn't even get mad!! But I did take the opportunity to do the "that's why I told you not to leave it on the floor" speech.... let's see if it has any lasting effects!
So somehow my shitty start to the week turned out to be not so bad in the grand scheme of things. It usually goes that way - I let things build up to cyclonic proportions, shit gets thrown everywhere, then the sun comes out and I get on with my life. (that metaphor was gonna be so much cooler...)
My point is, you can't stay down forever. There's good and bad, highs and lows with everything in life. You can choose to sit on the pity train and go round in circles, or you can make a change. Change is never easy. It's scary! But being stuck somewhere that you're just not happy is not living!
We were organised and ready for school on time with relatively little screaming. I even mucked around with the kids while they were getting dressed. No one was crying when I left school. Mr 5 even carried his own lunch bag into the classroom!
I had an appointment at 3:30 then gym at 4:30 so I had to have snacks ready to take with us. Quickly came home from work to get changed before getting the kids from school. We made it to the chiropractor with time to spare, they played nicely in the waiting area and picked up the toys without much persuasion when it was time to go. We got to the gym early so I actually had time to do my "weekly" measurements! Smashed my workout then got the kids their happy meals, as promised (I cooked my own chicken and chips). Let them watch TV while I had a shower and ate my dinner, then suddenly it was 8pm and they hadn't had baths... but we made that a bit of a game and got ready for bed without arguing. Even though it was almost 9pm by the time I left big girl's room, I wasn't stressing and cranky. Probably cos it's Friday... They won't sleep in tomorrow though!
I have plans to get this dump of a house cleaned up over the weekend. And I will actually do it! It looks like a major bender happened here... for a month... there's probably a random stoner sleeping on my couch and I don't even know! (It's ok, I'm joking, I'd know!)
Even though I know the ratbags will mess it all up in no time, it needs to be done. We need to start some new habits and declutter our lives. I don't want them to grow up without responsibility or respect for their things. They have too much "stuff" and they just don't appreciate it, because they don't have to earn it. They aren't given everything they ask for, but they do have a lot more than I ever had as a kid. Maybe that's because of the cheap throw away world we live in, and maybe it's because I don't want them to feel "poor" like I did. And maybe I'm just trying to make up for the shit they've been through.
Miss 7 did learn a valuable lesson the other day. Her tablet had been left in a back pack on the floor... of course I'd told her several times to pick it up or it would get broken... well, guess what was broken.... the tablet of course! Screen is shot. Looks like it was dropped or stood on.... she was beside herself "I love the tablet and now I can't play my games" "I'm sorry I've wasted your money mummy" It was a cheap and nasty tablet so it's not the end of the world. Surprisingly I didn't even get mad!! But I did take the opportunity to do the "that's why I told you not to leave it on the floor" speech.... let's see if it has any lasting effects!
So somehow my shitty start to the week turned out to be not so bad in the grand scheme of things. It usually goes that way - I let things build up to cyclonic proportions, shit gets thrown everywhere, then the sun comes out and I get on with my life. (that metaphor was gonna be so much cooler...)
My point is, you can't stay down forever. There's good and bad, highs and lows with everything in life. You can choose to sit on the pity train and go round in circles, or you can make a change. Change is never easy. It's scary! But being stuck somewhere that you're just not happy is not living!
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
Just breathe
I have been feeling incredibly overwhelmed lately. I can feel myself circling the drain - you know like when you pull the plug in the bath, the water swirls round and round but eventually, inevitably, it goes down the drain. Well that’s me. And I have these moments a few times a year. I can feel them coming, and I try to ignore it, push it away, pretend I’m fine... but I know I’m not. Then the meltdown happens.
If you’ve been following along online, or in real life, you’ll know that I have my 2 beautiful kids 100% of the time, on my own. You’ll also know that they are far from perfect little angels! I swear some days they have a competition to see who can piss me off first... I honestly wouldn’t put it past them, Mr 5 wants to be ‘an evil genius’ when he grows up FFS!!! Anyway, being ‘it’ all the time is so draining! Trying to give them a good life without making them ungrateful, spoilt jerks... teaching them manners and patients and boundaries while being sympathetic to the trauma they’ve faced.... it’s hard. And I know it’s hard for them too. Mummy always yelling and making demands....
This weekend I tried to be a fun mum and take them out to the museum for science activities. They had a great time! But as usual, they couldn’t contain themselves and listening went out the window. And when you’re already feeling crappy about yourself and life, then your kids muck around in public and you worry every single person thinks you’re a shit parent... well that really ruins the day. By the end of Sunday I was crying myself to sleep. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I didn’t care if I didn’t wake up the next day. I just didn’t want to face the shit any longer.
So when Monday morning rolled around and it’s the same old “I don’t want to go to school” “I don’t know what I want for breakfast” “I can’t find my library book” “GET IN THE DAMN CAR!” I was already done with the day by 8am. Mr 5 sat on the path and refused to walk in, so I had to cart him in under my arm... Trying to leave the waiting area at school and both kids crack the sands and want me to stay. There’s hugging and crying and begging and pleading.... Thankfully one of their teachers came along and took them on a mission with her! (Remind me to buy her wine!)
I made it out the school gates with tears in my eyes, then lost it in the car. I rang work and I said “I’m not coming. My kids are arseholes. I can’t cope with life” And my amazing workplace just went with it. Told me to let them know how I was going later in the day.
I drove home crying. Went upstairs, got out of my work clothes and cried my little heart out. Then I had a 2 hour nap and I felt a little better. Watched some TV. Made some food. Even picked up some of the kids toys! But mostly I was just ‘me’. I wasn’t mum. I wasn’t doing anything for anyone else. I was just doing what I felt like. Later on I talked to my boss (she hates being called that, and I know you’re reading this :p) and I changed my work hours a bit. Starting a little later in the hopes of avoid that morning rush and insanity. Ideally I’d love them to just keep paying me while I stay home on the couch.... but didn’t want to push it.
Later that night I had a looooong chat with one of the most amazing friends I have (she’s very logical and wise and makes me see sense. She’s also more than likely reading this :p) and she made me realise that I’m putting the pressure on myself. I’m expecting myself to be super woman. I’m not giving me a break! My kids are fed and clothed and loved. They go to school every day, they’re super smart (too smart!), they know right from wrong and they are actually pretty amazing little humans.
So I just need to cut myself some slack, pick my battles and breathe! Things don’t always go the way we think they should. Life doesn’t follow our plan. There are always going to be things that we can’t control. But in the end, it’ll be ok. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.
If you’ve been following along online, or in real life, you’ll know that I have my 2 beautiful kids 100% of the time, on my own. You’ll also know that they are far from perfect little angels! I swear some days they have a competition to see who can piss me off first... I honestly wouldn’t put it past them, Mr 5 wants to be ‘an evil genius’ when he grows up FFS!!! Anyway, being ‘it’ all the time is so draining! Trying to give them a good life without making them ungrateful, spoilt jerks... teaching them manners and patients and boundaries while being sympathetic to the trauma they’ve faced.... it’s hard. And I know it’s hard for them too. Mummy always yelling and making demands....
This weekend I tried to be a fun mum and take them out to the museum for science activities. They had a great time! But as usual, they couldn’t contain themselves and listening went out the window. And when you’re already feeling crappy about yourself and life, then your kids muck around in public and you worry every single person thinks you’re a shit parent... well that really ruins the day. By the end of Sunday I was crying myself to sleep. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I didn’t care if I didn’t wake up the next day. I just didn’t want to face the shit any longer.
So when Monday morning rolled around and it’s the same old “I don’t want to go to school” “I don’t know what I want for breakfast” “I can’t find my library book” “GET IN THE DAMN CAR!” I was already done with the day by 8am. Mr 5 sat on the path and refused to walk in, so I had to cart him in under my arm... Trying to leave the waiting area at school and both kids crack the sands and want me to stay. There’s hugging and crying and begging and pleading.... Thankfully one of their teachers came along and took them on a mission with her! (Remind me to buy her wine!)
I made it out the school gates with tears in my eyes, then lost it in the car. I rang work and I said “I’m not coming. My kids are arseholes. I can’t cope with life” And my amazing workplace just went with it. Told me to let them know how I was going later in the day.
I drove home crying. Went upstairs, got out of my work clothes and cried my little heart out. Then I had a 2 hour nap and I felt a little better. Watched some TV. Made some food. Even picked up some of the kids toys! But mostly I was just ‘me’. I wasn’t mum. I wasn’t doing anything for anyone else. I was just doing what I felt like. Later on I talked to my boss (she hates being called that, and I know you’re reading this :p) and I changed my work hours a bit. Starting a little later in the hopes of avoid that morning rush and insanity. Ideally I’d love them to just keep paying me while I stay home on the couch.... but didn’t want to push it.
Later that night I had a looooong chat with one of the most amazing friends I have (she’s very logical and wise and makes me see sense. She’s also more than likely reading this :p) and she made me realise that I’m putting the pressure on myself. I’m expecting myself to be super woman. I’m not giving me a break! My kids are fed and clothed and loved. They go to school every day, they’re super smart (too smart!), they know right from wrong and they are actually pretty amazing little humans.
So I just need to cut myself some slack, pick my battles and breathe! Things don’t always go the way we think they should. Life doesn’t follow our plan. There are always going to be things that we can’t control. But in the end, it’ll be ok. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.
Sunday, March 10, 2019
Why I need wine...
It’s no secret that I like my wine! I have a glass beside me right now - but you’re not surprised by that fact are you... What may surprise you is that I don’t need wine for my witty comebacks and funky dance moves! Oh no, they are aaaaalll me! Why I really need wine is because I suck at being an adult. My mum would say that’s a cop out, no one NEEDS wine... and maybe she’s right. I don’t NEED it! But there’s plenty of things that make me want to crack a bottle open and pour it down my throat. No need for glasses, that makes unnecessary washing up! And I’m not planning on leaving any in the bottle....
So my reasons:
1. Being an adult is hard! You have to make decisions and be responsible and set an example for your kids. And feed your kids. And remember that you have kids....
2. Said kids are jerks! Like are those flappy things on the side of their heads just ornamental?! When does the listening and responding accordingly kick in?
3. Housework! Seriously, how many people are living in my house without my knowledge?! There are waaaaay too many cups in the sink for just 3 of us. Especially since the little punks never even drink from cups!
4. I’m bored. I know, wine!
5. I’m watching TV, better get some wine...
6. Just mowed the lawn, better celebrate with a wine.
7. Having dinner with friends, obviously involves wine.
8. I know it’s in the fridge.... I can hear it calling me! You can’t ignore the wine.
9. My kid got in trouble at school. Again. I don’t know how to help him, so I’ll just drink some wine and pretend there’s no problem!
10. Work was hard. Customers are so needy! Maybe we should serve wine in the lunch room, surely it could only make the day better...
11. It’s Friday!! Or Sunday, or well, any day really! Who even needs a reason?
I’m sure I could come up with any number of other reasons if I sat here long enough. But you get it - I like wine! Wine doesn’t answer back. Or ask questions. Or tell lies. Wine just comforts me and understands me.
What made you wine today?
So my reasons:
1. Being an adult is hard! You have to make decisions and be responsible and set an example for your kids. And feed your kids. And remember that you have kids....
2. Said kids are jerks! Like are those flappy things on the side of their heads just ornamental?! When does the listening and responding accordingly kick in?
3. Housework! Seriously, how many people are living in my house without my knowledge?! There are waaaaay too many cups in the sink for just 3 of us. Especially since the little punks never even drink from cups!
4. I’m bored. I know, wine!
5. I’m watching TV, better get some wine...
6. Just mowed the lawn, better celebrate with a wine.
7. Having dinner with friends, obviously involves wine.
8. I know it’s in the fridge.... I can hear it calling me! You can’t ignore the wine.
9. My kid got in trouble at school. Again. I don’t know how to help him, so I’ll just drink some wine and pretend there’s no problem!
10. Work was hard. Customers are so needy! Maybe we should serve wine in the lunch room, surely it could only make the day better...
11. It’s Friday!! Or Sunday, or well, any day really! Who even needs a reason?
I’m sure I could come up with any number of other reasons if I sat here long enough. But you get it - I like wine! Wine doesn’t answer back. Or ask questions. Or tell lies. Wine just comforts me and understands me.
What made you wine today?
Monday, March 4, 2019
All or Nothing
I have two settings - OCD or CBF! That's just how I've always been. It's either bust my arse for the best, or don't give a shit. And when you push yourself to do the best you can on something (let's say a school project), and it doesn't turn out great (or get the grade you hoped for), it's disheartening. When that same thing keeps happening - the result you think you deserve isn't the result you get - well you kinda just stop caring... At least if you don't put in any effort then you know why you failed right? It's no great let down cos you couldn't possibly expect a great result without trying! I pretty much cruised through school till about grade 10. Then when I actually had to work HARD to get good grades, I didn't like it....
Luckily I've since learned that the effort and hard work it takes to achieve something actually makes the result mean something. It means something TO ME. It's not about impressing someone else, or being praised or getting the top grade. It's about that internal sense of fulfillment. That "Yay me!" Knowing how much I worked/struggled/sacrificed/stressed to get to that goal. I still love it when other people notice my achievements and tell me I'm amazing (seriously who doesn't?) and yeah I'm gonna instagram the hell out of my guns, cos I love them! I worked for them! I suffered for them! Not so much that I'd give up the TimTams I'm currently eating.... but you get my drift. It's ok to be proud of yourself and to want to share that achievement with others. It's not being arrogant or attention seeking or thinking you're better than someone else, it's acknowledging your own strength. If others see it as anything else then they have the problem!
When I started writing this it was going to be about the CBF side of things... mostly how shit my house looks... constantly....But I'll save that for another time. It's still gonna look just as bad tomorrow!
I'm gonna continue on the gym training strong lady story instead!
Anyone who has known me any great length of time will know that physical activity is not my forte. I don't do sports. I get sunburn way too easily. My fat legs rub together... Any excuse to not move really! But then this really massive truth bomb dropped and it shattered my life into oblivion. Nothing was as it was before, and it could never be repaired. Everything was taken out of my control and I was just floating through the days in a haze. I needed to take control of something in my life. I wanted to be distracted from the million thoughts swirling in my mind on constant replay. If I was going to feel pain, it might as well be physical. And be good for me!
So I found a gym close to my house. They had free creche for the kiddies and they were so friendly and welcoming! I started out doing bootcamps and honestly thought I was going to die on the first day... running, jumping, push ups, struggling to breathe.... but by the end of it I actually wanted to go back! In that short (ok ridiculously long!) hour, something clicked and I thought "I can do this!" and really, what did I have to lose?? That was 2.5 years ago and I'm proud to say I didn't just join a gym, I joined a family! I've made so many amazing, beautiful friends there, and everyone just wants the best for each other. We also do some pretty crazy and fun activities too!
I did lose the motivation a few times. The effort of getting up early and putting on pants, or going out again after work, again having to put on pants... After one of those slumps I tried the group PT sessions. And that's when I really stepped it up. Lifting weights is amazing for your mind! It totally changed my perspective on things. Instead of always thinking "it's too hard" "I can't do that" "what if I fail" I started being more open to trying. More positive towards life. I can now deadlift 100kg and squat 90kg so I just say "hey life, bring it!"
That's not to say things are always easy now.... there's still a lot of CBF moments.... but I know I've got this fire inside me that can't be put out, no matter how hard anyone tries.
Luckily I've since learned that the effort and hard work it takes to achieve something actually makes the result mean something. It means something TO ME. It's not about impressing someone else, or being praised or getting the top grade. It's about that internal sense of fulfillment. That "Yay me!" Knowing how much I worked/struggled/sacrificed/stressed to get to that goal. I still love it when other people notice my achievements and tell me I'm amazing (seriously who doesn't?) and yeah I'm gonna instagram the hell out of my guns, cos I love them! I worked for them! I suffered for them! Not so much that I'd give up the TimTams I'm currently eating.... but you get my drift. It's ok to be proud of yourself and to want to share that achievement with others. It's not being arrogant or attention seeking or thinking you're better than someone else, it's acknowledging your own strength. If others see it as anything else then they have the problem!
When I started writing this it was going to be about the CBF side of things... mostly how shit my house looks... constantly....But I'll save that for another time. It's still gonna look just as bad tomorrow!
I'm gonna continue on the gym training strong lady story instead!
Anyone who has known me any great length of time will know that physical activity is not my forte. I don't do sports. I get sunburn way too easily. My fat legs rub together... Any excuse to not move really! But then this really massive truth bomb dropped and it shattered my life into oblivion. Nothing was as it was before, and it could never be repaired. Everything was taken out of my control and I was just floating through the days in a haze. I needed to take control of something in my life. I wanted to be distracted from the million thoughts swirling in my mind on constant replay. If I was going to feel pain, it might as well be physical. And be good for me!
So I found a gym close to my house. They had free creche for the kiddies and they were so friendly and welcoming! I started out doing bootcamps and honestly thought I was going to die on the first day... running, jumping, push ups, struggling to breathe.... but by the end of it I actually wanted to go back! In that short (ok ridiculously long!) hour, something clicked and I thought "I can do this!" and really, what did I have to lose?? That was 2.5 years ago and I'm proud to say I didn't just join a gym, I joined a family! I've made so many amazing, beautiful friends there, and everyone just wants the best for each other. We also do some pretty crazy and fun activities too!
I did lose the motivation a few times. The effort of getting up early and putting on pants, or going out again after work, again having to put on pants... After one of those slumps I tried the group PT sessions. And that's when I really stepped it up. Lifting weights is amazing for your mind! It totally changed my perspective on things. Instead of always thinking "it's too hard" "I can't do that" "what if I fail" I started being more open to trying. More positive towards life. I can now deadlift 100kg and squat 90kg so I just say "hey life, bring it!"
That's not to say things are always easy now.... there's still a lot of CBF moments.... but I know I've got this fire inside me that can't be put out, no matter how hard anyone tries.
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