I really struggled with a title for this post! I’m still not sure if it will change again before I publish it... I wasn’t sure calling it bitchy, ranty scream fest was quite right haha! But that’s kind of what it’s going to be!!
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been separated for almost 3 years now. Well August last year I finally got around to getting a lawyer to make all the property stuff offical and, well, legal. It had been agreed from the beginning that I would keep the house and I didn’t have to buy his share out. I just got the house and the associated debt. That hasn’t changed. It’s still happening. It’s just taking for-fucking-ever!! I don’t know how it can be so difficult to just sign your name!! Oh no, “my client wants this word changed” like seriously?! I needed to google the bloody word to find out what it meant! Oh and guess what, contemporaneously just means at the same time... so simultaneously couldn’t have been used? Or you know, the sentence could have been left how it was!
I’ve had my new loan approved for 3 months now and I keep getting emails from the bank asking if I’ve got the legal paperwork yet. How many times can I reply with “still waiting” ?? I’m still paying my current loan so I guess at least my new one will end up being a bit less by the time it actually takes effect... but that’s not the point! He knows I’ve been and sorted that out, so the change of wording mentioned above is pretty much pointless for either of us. I’m sure his lawyer is loving the $$ though... I get the feeling they are as much a hold up in this process as he is. Maybe if they spent more time doing legal work than they do on cheesy Facebook posts this could get sorted...
It seems Mr “I’ll do whatever I can to make it easier for you and the kids” thought I’d just do nothing so now he has to be Mr difficult. And really, he has no right to that. He’s the one that epically screwed up our lives! He’s the one that did all the dumb things. He’s the one that dug himself this hole. I’ve been far nicer than I could have been. And now I’ve had enough! I respond to my lawyer within 24 hours of any correspondence, and I know that they pass it on quickly too. Because they know that I just want this sorted. They know I’m not loaded and I can’t afford to pay them forever... I’m not entirely sure how he’s funding this expedition either, given child support agency assessed him as only having to pay me less than $10 PER WEEK....
It’s so sad that someone who was meant to love me and be beside me forever is now a complete stranger. That I have no idea what to expect or to believe from him because he is not predictable and he is not true to his word. I just want to yell at him!! To make him realise all the damage that he’s done. HIM. His choices. His actions. But he seems incapable of accepting that.
Of course I can be a totally unreasonable, over reactive, psycho cow at times. And he knows that. But that is so not the case here. I’m standing up for myself and my babies.
So if you happen to communicate with my ex-husband, please tell him to stop being a dick!
PS, I did change the title.
It was called “it’s something unpredictable, but in the end is right”
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
Wednesday, April 3, 2019
It’s all about the price tag
We like to think that life is about more than money, but there’s not a whole lot you can do without a regular income.
In the words of Silverchair - you say that money isn’t everything, well I’d like to see you live without it.
Or ABBA - all the things I could do, if I had a little money...
The thing I’ve learnt (and my mum always said) the more you have, the more you spend! I didn’t realise quite how true it was until I went from a double income family to a single one. Obviously I couldn’t spend the money if I didn’t have it, but I’m also not starving or behind on my bills on the much smaller budget I now have. (He paid more in tax than what my gross annual income was!)
I’m very fortunate to live in a country that helps single parents out with payments, and while I could not continue my lifestyle on Centrelink payments alone, the extra it gives me keeps us from going without necessities. I do have “luxury” items like my personal training and private health insurance, and I still let the kids get a happy meal once a week, but I’ve had to control that impulse buying urge a lot. Weighing up how much I want something vs if I need it... and trying to teach my kids the same - We can’t have everything we want all the time. You appreciate the value of things more when you earn them... But I hate being that mum that says 'not today, we don't have enough money'. I try really hard not to say that because it's not really their concern, but sometimes I do need to remind them that money doesn't grow on trees! Then just when I think I have enough 'left over' for something fun, I get hit with something like mould in my car.... Yeah ok, I did splurge and get a tattoo that wasn't cheap... but I didn't stop feeding my family to do it.
I see this phrase a lot. And it's true. What's the point of living if all you're doing is paying bills? I'm paying off a house, but I can't afford to do anything to it. I have plans, it needs jazzing up a bit. But then I'm hardly home anyway. Yes keeping the house was my choice. We could have sold it and had a bit of cash, but I didn't want to add anymore chaos to my kids' lives. I'm incredibly lucky to have had help from family to keep my mortgage in credit, and that's always in the back of my mind when I decide to spend a lot of money on anything "what will mum say?" I'm 35 and still worried what my my will say.... but it's out of respect. She's by no means loaded, but she's never let us go without. And even though I tell her I'm not her responsibility, she didn't put me in this situation, she still insists that's she's my mum and it's what she should do.
I don't want to sound ungrateful, or completely destitute, cos I'm not. It's just frustrating sometimes. I feel like I'm going round in circles, and for what? I'm paying a lawyer to sort out the legal stuff (I know right?), and that's been dragging on for way longer than necessary, which means spending more money than necessary.... when the other party is making things difficult for no real reason other than he can? I don't know. But then again, it turns out not a lot of what I knew about him was true anyway.
I’m very fortunate to live in a country that helps single parents out with payments, and while I could not continue my lifestyle on Centrelink payments alone, the extra it gives me keeps us from going without necessities. I do have “luxury” items like my personal training and private health insurance, and I still let the kids get a happy meal once a week, but I’ve had to control that impulse buying urge a lot. Weighing up how much I want something vs if I need it... and trying to teach my kids the same - We can’t have everything we want all the time. You appreciate the value of things more when you earn them... But I hate being that mum that says 'not today, we don't have enough money'. I try really hard not to say that because it's not really their concern, but sometimes I do need to remind them that money doesn't grow on trees! Then just when I think I have enough 'left over' for something fun, I get hit with something like mould in my car.... Yeah ok, I did splurge and get a tattoo that wasn't cheap... but I didn't stop feeding my family to do it.
I see this phrase a lot. And it's true. What's the point of living if all you're doing is paying bills? I'm paying off a house, but I can't afford to do anything to it. I have plans, it needs jazzing up a bit. But then I'm hardly home anyway. Yes keeping the house was my choice. We could have sold it and had a bit of cash, but I didn't want to add anymore chaos to my kids' lives. I'm incredibly lucky to have had help from family to keep my mortgage in credit, and that's always in the back of my mind when I decide to spend a lot of money on anything "what will mum say?" I'm 35 and still worried what my my will say.... but it's out of respect. She's by no means loaded, but she's never let us go without. And even though I tell her I'm not her responsibility, she didn't put me in this situation, she still insists that's she's my mum and it's what she should do.
I don't want to sound ungrateful, or completely destitute, cos I'm not. It's just frustrating sometimes. I feel like I'm going round in circles, and for what? I'm paying a lawyer to sort out the legal stuff (I know right?), and that's been dragging on for way longer than necessary, which means spending more money than necessary.... when the other party is making things difficult for no real reason other than he can? I don't know. But then again, it turns out not a lot of what I knew about him was true anyway.
I could sit here and waffle on all night about how 'unfair' things are. But it wont change them! I've just got to keep looking forward and putting one foot in front of the other. I know that things will get better, because I know that I'm a fighter and when I want something bad enough, I make it happen!
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