I've been a little quiet again lately. You may think that's because I've got my shit together and life is going great.... Sorry, WRONG! In fact, it means the complete opposite. My life is still a one million piece jigsaw puzzle, without a box for reference. And I'm pretty sure there's pieces missing.... There's been so much going on yet nothing has really changed. I'm not sure how that's possible, but here we are.
So let's start with the drama. Always drama. Everyone loves a good drama! Especially when it's not happening to them...And as usual, this drama involves money. I know it doesn't buy happiness, but it sure does alleviate an awful lot of stress!! The bank got back to me with a maximum amount i could borrow, and it was much less than what was still owing on the current loan... cue panic! I knew there were a few options, but none of them were overly appealing. I could sell the house (pack and move, no thanks!), I could take the money from the kids savings and my last little bit of emergency money (would rather not clean them out and start again), or ring Bank of Mum and ask for help... It's not that I thought she'd say no, or not be able to help, but it was that self loathing "I've failed and I need her to bail me out" So I'm crying like an idiot cos she said she'd transfer money, and she's like why are you crying? Well duh mum, it's not your problem to fix!! And of course, my ever sensible mum says well if it keeps the roof over your head... and you can pay it back at some point (I'm pretty sure "some point" actually means I just won't inherit anything when she leaves this life in 30 odd years... but I'm cool with that)
So thanks to mum and her very frugal ways, I have a new loan signed and waiting!! About bloody time you say? Well, don't get too excited just yet! Those good old property transfer documents still haven't been finalised.... They've been signed and posted (yes, the actual original documents this time, so posted) 2 weeks ago, I'm just waiting for my lawyer to get them so I can sign, then they organise settlement with the bank, and hey presto we're done!! Well at least that side of things will be done. There's still parenting orders that need to be stamped, and I'm sure that will be another shit storm... but one drama at a time huh...
On the flip side of all this, we are very lucky to have the rest of his family still including us in their lives. Last weekend we got to celebrate our baby cousin's 1st birthday! The kids are absolutely in love with her and could not stop talking about how adorable she is. I even took a huge step and asked if we could stay with grandma & grandad! Which wasn't as weird as it could have been. We were only there for 2 nights, and not a whole lot of time during the day, but the kids loved it and I'm pretty sure the grandparents did too. At the end of the day, I have to suck it up and do what's right for my kids, and keeping them connected with all their family is really important to me. I'm not cutting anyone out of their lives unnecessarily. I'm sure it would have been much easier for me, and his family, to just cut ties, but we aren't the ones who did the wrong thing. It's a very strange reality to accept, but we're pushing through each day and finding our way. To quote my very wise baby girl "I wish daddy had thought about what his choices would mean for our future"
Other good news, I got the kids' report cards and neither of them is dumb, so that's a win! Mr 5 is a little punk who doesn't cooperate, but he's demonstrated satisfactory knowledge so far. He's actually started in a new class last week too, so hopefully that makes a positive change for him. He likes this teacher, "she's not boring!!" I'll have a parent interview with his old teacher during the week, but I'm not sure it will have much impact on how to deal with him this term. She could even surprise me with some good news about him!
Miss 7 I know is smashing it at school. She loves learning and sharing her knowledge and her teacher absolutely adores her :) I'm rather excited to see her work, especially the stories she's been writing which her teacher describes as "interesting and entertaining" I love that she is such a good kid at school. Pretty sure they send me home someone else's child though...
Also took the kiddies to their first ever football game (quite probably their only one) thanks to a very good friend who had a family pass and needed to adopt an adult and 2 kids. Football just doesn't interest me and my kids honestly don't even know the difference between sports haha! But for the sake of the experience and taking the kids somewhere new I decided we'd accept the offer. Luckily "their" favourite team was playing (read Aunty's team so she buys them merch) so they had the appropriate attire for the occasion. Mr 5 loved cheering! He didn't care which team scored, he just loved shouting!! We left part way into the second half cos the excitement level was off the charts and the kids just couldn't behave, but they were very happy to hear "our team" won. When I asked Miss 7 if she enjoyed it and would like to go again she said "it was great! But I'll only go if the Rabbitohs are playing again" At least that gives me a whole year to prepare!
This has taken far longer to write than I'd planned, and it's probably a big old jumble mess.... but that's pretty standard for me! Just a textual representation of my mind.
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